Restaurant Dining With Our Peanut-Allergic Child – 6 things we learned along the way.
My wife Nadia and I have said that if we had to choose something for Gabrielle to be allergic to, it would actually be peanuts. Her allergy is severe and dangerous, but it is also in our opinion, the one that is most widely known and understood. At least in North America. We also think the fact that she has grown up not knowing anything other than having allergies makes that easier as well. It is a part of her life.
We know the world is not peanut-free, nor do we expect it to be, so it is our job to teach Gabrielle how to safely exist within it. She was taught to be diligent about not sharing food, washing her hands, and as soon as she could, read labels. She also understands that allergies may limit what she eats, but they shouldn’t limit what she does.
As we began to learn and experience life with allergies, we picked up and used a few tricks along the way. Not all of them are still necessary now that Gabrielle is older. However, here are our top tips for safely dining at a restaurant with a peanut-allergic child.
1. Bring your own food
This was our go-to for the first several years when Gabrielle was young. I would always call ahead to explain the situation and can’t remember ever having an issue. Some restaurants would offer to heat things up for us, and others would say they prefer that outside food not enter their kitchen. Nobody ever told us “no, you can’t bring your own food for your daughter”. We invested in Bento Boxes, Thermos containers, and lots of Tupperware of various sizes.
We learned that certain foods traveled and kept well, while others not so much. Steak, potatoes and raw carrots was a favourite, but chicken fingers, Caesar salad, and mini pizzas made many appearances as well. She didn’t mind at all. In fact, she loved going to eat in a restaurant. Often commenting about how much she enjoyed the evening out with family and friends. I remember one specific instance when she was about four years old. We were spending a few days in Niagara Falls with family. We had just finished a meal at The Keg. Her “main course” was chicken fingers that I cooked at home before the trip, microwaved in the hotel and placed in a thermos. Not the fanciest of feasts. However, after finishing, she leaned back in her chair, put her hands up behind her head and said, “ahh, this is the life”. Thinking back, being surrounded by family, our stomachs full after a great day of playing tourist, she wasn’t wrong.
2. Do the Research- Call Ahead
It is easier now that we have a list of places we trust in many of the cities we visit regularly, but it wasn’t always that way. I still spend countless hours searching the internet, cold calling and emailing restaurants, and reading menus online. It doesn’t bother me to be told: “no, we can’t accommodate”. In fact, it is the opposite. I appreciate the honesty and that they are willing to give up the business for my daughter’s safety. We never eat at a place that says something along the lines of “you should be fine” or “I don’t think we have any peanuts”. It’s not worth the risk. Finding and confirming a safe option in advance allows us to relax a bit more. I like knowing as much as possible before we arrive if a restaurant is allergy aware and able to safely accommodate.
3. Avoid the higher risk areas of the menu
When it comes to safely dining in a restaurant with a peanut allergy; not all sections of the menu are created equal. Obviously, we don’t go out for Pad Thai or Five Guys. With their barrels of free peanuts as soon as you walk in. But we don’t necessarily rule out a restaurant if it has peanuts on the menu either. What we do however follow a pattern when dining out. We almost always skip the bread brought to the table and usually pass on the salads and desserts. Depending on where we are eating, there are exceptions. See my post on our go-to restaurants for some of those exceptions.
The bread and desserts at many restaurants we visit are made by a third party, off-site, and thus often fall outside of a restaurants ability to control cross-contamination. Generally, that also means that if they have a dessert with peanuts, it is confined to the dessert area, and thus peanuts are not necessarily a raw ingredient within the kitchen. Skipping the salads is probably not as necessary as it was when we were also avoiding tree nuts. Just like desserts, salads are often prepared in a separate area. Many salad prep areas contain nuts. The risk of cross-contamination is thus higher, and why Gabrielle usually avoids salad in restaurants.
4. Accept that sometimes choices might be limited
This one is a little trickier now that Gabrielle is older and acutely aware of what she likes. She knows what options are out there for her. Gone are the days when we would just pick any restaurant as long as they could grill a steak and bake her a potato. When looking at a menu, Gabrielle will often choose a few options before ordering. If she finds out that her first pick is not suitable, then she’s ready to ask the server to check on the next option for her. We have been fortunate. In all our years of dining out with her allergy, we have never been made to feel that this is a burden on the staff. We often find people going out of their way to ensure our experience is pleasant.
Sometimes however you just need to eat. If safe options are limited then choice flies out the window. Family events, birthdays, weddings, or just passing through an unfamiliar town are all examples of when this might happen. When presented with this option, just like when we used to bring her food with us, the choice is easy. Don’t miss the moment because of the food. Eat the safe option. You can always eat whatever you want when you get home.
5. Trust your gut- Walkout if you don’t feel comfortable
This one is actually quite easy. Sometimes even after all the research, menu reading and calling ahead, the response you get when you arrive just doesn’t feel right. Trust that feeling. It is not worth the risk. Sometimes we have to go in and out of several restaurants before finding one we feel comfortable with. This usually happens when we are out walking around and randomly popping in on places. But it did happen once with a restaurant I had pre-emailed and was told everything would be fine.
We were visiting Syracuse and as usual, I had pre-sourced a variety of places in the area we would be visiting. One was a Brazilian Steak house, and the email response from the manager was quite clear that Gabrielle could safely eat there. When we arrived and mentioned the allergy to the host before being seated, it was a completely different story. He talked about no guarantees, not knowing the process for ingredients in sauces and marinades made off-site, and that some sauces were peanut-based, thus posing a high risk of cross-contamination in the kitchen. We appreciated his knowledge and response. It is disappointing though that his answer was so different from the email I had received. It was an easy decision to leave. I was upset that someone could be so misinformed about the seriousness of my initial inquiry. The lack of knowledge about their ingredients and procedures was also a concern.
6. Use a Chef Card*
I put an asterisk on this one as we only used a chef card for the first time ever this summer. In fact, this post began as a top 5 list until we experienced first hand the importance of this tool. A recent family trip to Europe changed this option for us. Chef cards are a must if traveling to a location where you don’t speak the language. A chef card is a written description of all of the foods you are allergic to as well as some tips for the staff that will help to keep you safe. The information is translated into the native language of the place you are visiting. The cards are given to the waiter, host/hostess or manager and then brought to the chef. The card decreases the chance of the message getting lost in translation.
Being able to walk into a restaurant in Germany or Italy and knowing that the life-saving information that we needed to impart was being received was very comforting. A few places told us after reading the card that they could not accommodate us. Most times however it was obvious that they not only understood but also that they could safely feed us. On two separate occasions, a member of a restaurant’s staff went out of their way to tell us how much they liked the cards. The card made it easy for them to know exactly they were dealing with. I appreciated the compliment but was surprised that they hadn’t experienced a chef card before.
If you would like a free customizable copy of the chef card template I used (in English, German and Italian) please click here.
A closing thought…
On top of all these tips, we never leave home and especially don’t eat without having an EpiPen with us, which is the most important tip of all, but I feel goes without saying.
Have questions, comments or tips of your own? Please feel free to contact me or leave a comment below.
Check out a list of some of our favourite Ottawa restaurants for safely dining with a peanut allergy here.
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